"You're having a colt."

Middle of the night, semi-darkness, the glow of the computer screen, listening to Yo La Tengo, typing in a Blogger window, restless melancholia... I've regressed 10 years. Except that I'm not high.

It's mostly interesting to watch and experience my physical and hormonal changes, but sometimes it's a bit much--and a pain in the ass--when there are other variables and I don't know which states to take seriously and which to chalk up to "hormones". I chalk it all up to hormones when it comes up with other people but it's not always as easy to convince myself, especially when I'm in the throes of it.

A few months ago, Norah saw the arsenal of pills I take every day. "Horse pills," she said. "You're having a colt." "That would be painful."

The way you've been kicking, lately, I wouldn't be surprised if you were a colt. Especially last week during that dreadful stomach bug. I guess you didn't like the heating pad, but come on kid, give me a break, what was I supposed to do? It's your damn fault I got sick--the 2nd bug in 2 weeks, I might add--so please for the love of god, work with me not against me. Don't kick your ma. There are other ways to get attention. Ok, maybe not yet, but there will be soon. You're more than halfway there. Have patience.

I told Michael today, I hope this kid gets some uncles. I'm all about the whole village-raising-a-child schtick, and I've got people back home I keep saying, "Want to be Auntie so-and-so?" to. I haven't yet said, "Want to be Unca so-and-so?" I might have some here and that just makes me sad because I'm leaving.

Did I mention I was restless? That's not an unnatural state for me but this is a stupid, and yes I'm going to say hormonal because it must be that or at least I'll blame it on that, catch-22 because there are plenty of things I could be doing but I'm too tired and can't be arsed. (Boredom henced this blog.) My brain (and body) don't always work properly. At least tonight I'll have Luis Fernando Verissimo and/or Kurt Vonnegut to keep me company. Oh, look at all those lovely V's.